Human beings are built to be interdependent during the evolution as social animals. How much ever we try to be independent in life, the fact is that we are built to support each other inn some or the other way consciously or atleast in an unconscious mode. Just for an example – A parent might know that the child is able to get up and walk even if he falls down. Still the tendency to go and help him quickly stays in the inner response of people. Same way, we can see mass supports in social help requests during natural calamities or unexpected emergencies.
However, anything in excess can lead to damage and so as the helping mentality too.
Surprised? Yes it is a psychological fact that excessive helping mentality can lead a person to irrecoverable self-destruction in long run.
The White Knight Syndrome
The term is described as “A person who is compelled to rescue people In intimate relationship, at the expense of own prime needs or requirements.”
Infact if you are a white knight, you may have tendency to rescue your loved ones by losing yourself.
A white knight person prefers a partner who is in need of rescuing and eventually the relationship will grow towards that bridge. They hope to get immense admiration, love, validation and clinginess for support from their loved ones.
Characters of white knights
- White knights are afraid of emotional distance from their loved ones and hence they keep on helping the loved ones ignoring their primary needs and necessities.
- They are highly sensitive and vulnerable to emotions. Their face may change quickly at the moment they feel they are invalid or not-loved by the partner.
- A white knight will get caught and blamed in the middle of actions many times for someone else’s issues.
- They will always expect their partner to consider them as unique and highly important in life.
- White knights may showcase themselves as low valued and put self-blame also many times with high amount of reactions. By this activity, they expect to put the partner in a stage to say that they are important and loved.
- They cannot say “No” easily to their loved ones and many times they have feel of being taken for granted by the partner.
They are highly Empathetic – The tool for hunt
You may be surprised again to know this fact that white knights have well developed trait of being highly empathetic.
They will be able to understand what the other person is feeling or going through and this tool will be used to find out their partner for rescuing activity. However this may be used sometimes to hurt as well instead of help.
The history of white knights’ lives
Most of the white knight personalities will have some of the following history in their life.
- Childhood mental or physical or emotional abuses
- Extreme awareness of parental struggles
- Loss of loved one or caregiver in childhood
- Been neglected state in childhood
- Unhealed wounds of being abandoned
- Substance abuse
- Repeated relations with partners who need support or rescuing.
Critical threats in white knight’s lives
- A white knight may always find the partner who has a history of abuse, addiction, lose or trauma .
- They always will have fear of losing the partner’s love and validation.
- They may be highly sensitive towards the feeling of abandoned state.
- White knights maintain the relationship with their partners by being extremely good, helpful and saviour on time.
- Also white knights are less prone to identify the manipulative behaviours of partners and hence they may get emotionally hurt by getting into the feel of being used or being cheated. It goes to higher amount as the amount of help they give to the partner. However this helping mind would be a kind of addiction and hence they will not be able to come out of it to reduce their damages.
- They can be highly and quickly seduced by the sexual or dramatical behaviour of the partner in relationship.
- Another threat in white knights’ lives are they would do lots of micro management activities in the life of partner to “help them” by spoiling their precious time and energy just to get the approval, love and validation.
How to get rid of the White knight life?
A white knight will mostly have a long history of syndrome and causes. Hence the commitment towards a personal transformation is highly important to begin a result oriented treatment for this syndrome. This process may take time and expert guidance as repeated assessments and guidelines are required for the client to rebuild while coming out of the history and baggage.
The treatment of a white knight shall have the following focus areas
- Building the skills in Creating the personal boundaries
- Self-awareness and acceptance to the primary needs, wants and essentials in own life
- The strengths of individual and capability mark up to develop a better image.
- Developing the ability to say “No” along with personal skills to take care of own needs.
- Building skill of being socialised with mixed genders.
- Developing attractive traits of personalities according to the own gender.
- Avoiding the state of “Seeking approval” from others for own actions
- Learning to Stop idealising the partner.
The above focus points shall be treated as personal transformation steps instead of being less accommodating. The therapist shall keep a keen eye on this narrow line during the treatment period in such cases. The results after coming out of the white knight syndrome are obviously a completely transformed personality with new charm, attraction and self-esteem filled ones.
Ancient line of wisdom – “Donation has the merits of good deeds only when you respect yourself.”
very informative and interesting stuff to read …